Our families are eternal. (Family Proclamation)

This week’s Come Follow Me lesson is about the Family Proclamation given by the LDS church’s leaders in 1995. At the time it was presented, it was not controversial. It seemed obvious. Admittedly, it seemed so simple and straightforward at that time that I didn’t actually study it. I gave it a surface reading. As I read it now, I see that every paragraph teaches important principles and reveals key information about the plan of salvation. I don’t think I’ve had ears that hear and eyes that see in past years. I feel like I’m now starting to get it. So, let’s work our way through it.

“We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.” Many people, when reading this first line, will focus on the “marriage between a man and a woman” part of the sentence. It is pretty black and white that:

• God has ordained marriage.

• Marriage is between a man and a woman.

• Family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.

That last point is what I would like to focus on. First of all, we should know that God has a plan. What is the intention of this plan? It is to affect our eternal destiny. Family is CENTRAL to this plan. “Central” is defined as: “of the greatest importance; principal or essential.” So, family is of the greatest importance in God’s plan for us.

If it is central, no one should wonder why Satan is so actively attempting to destroy the family. In the 30 years since this proclamation was created, we can see how families have been eroded. We can see how the perception of what is written here is dramatically different. How many people are seriously offended by what is written here. This document creates a lot of offense in people. We must ask ourselves why that is so.

In the end, the key principle here is that we are “His children!” As children, we should see clearly the importance of family. Our family may continue into eternity.

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“All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.” We are created in God’s image. We are sons of daughters of “heavenly parents.” That means there is a Heavenly Mother. This is important to know. For women, it is essential to know that they will be equal to their eternal partners. Women have a glorious destiny to become like their Heavenly Mother.

How were we “borne” as spirits - I have no idea. My understanding is that we were “organized from intelligence.” We are created in the image of God. That means that God looks like us. He’s not un-understandable and beyond our comprehension. He has a physical body of flesh and bones. Because we were born of parents, we inherit the potential for godhood. Our natures are divine and our potential is limitless in eternity.

We have had our gender since the premortal world. How that gender was created or identified, I have no idea. It has effected our premortal lives. It now affects our mortal experience. I will affect our eternal “identity and purpose.” Gender is not simply a mortal construct. It is definitely not a social construct. It isn’t created by society. Our gender extends past our birth and our death.

How does our gender affect our eternal purpose? I’m not sure but I can imagine. I imagine that men’s eternal purpose involves creation and the management of our spirit children’s mortal experience. I imagine that women’s purpose may focus on the development and progression of our spirit children before birth and even after the judgment. I imagine that our Heavenly Mother is eagerly waiting for the time that we are back in her arms. I think she is desperately wanting to welcome us home and is ready to provide the “mercy and care” that we will each require upon our return. We will each need to heal and she will be uniquely qualified to help us. We each will recognize her voice as the most familiar voice we have every heard. Her words will give us more comfort than any other being could speak.

I’ve never read this doctrine but it seems obvious to me based on a father’s role and a mother’s role in mortality.

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“In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshipped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize their divine destiny as heirs of eternal life.” Knowing that we “knew” God is important to me. My patriarchal blessing talks about “being held in the presence of God until this time.” I believe I had a personal relationship with him. This sentence reinforces that belief.

We also worshipped God. We respected him. He had earned our trust and devotion in our developing minds. Being close to him, I’m sure the difference between us and him was obvious - especially that he had a body. We wanted a physical body for ourselves. Mortality provided that and so was an eternal part of God’s plan.

Along with our bodies, we would “gain earthly experience.” This involved trials and tribulations. We were to experience sorrow and disappointment and pain and suffering. These experiences probably weren’t very available in the premortal world. We had to come to a fallen world to experience the negative aspects of existence to teach us. We had to be proved through trials.

Why did we need bodies and experience? To progress! We wanted to progress to become like our Heavenly Parents. We wanted to become “perfect.” The goal is to turn our divine potential into a “divine destiny.” As literal children of deity, we are heirs to share in their glory. I’m grateful that we saw the beauty and profound wisdom in God’s plan that involved this miserable mortal world. We knew what we’d be getting into when we agreed to it.

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“The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.” Families will continue eternally if we are together in the celestial kingdom.

Critics of the church have said that it is unfair that only those families who have been sealed in the temple will continue. They criticize church members’ arrogance in saying that only they will enjoy this. These critics miss two important principles:

1. The entire human family will be sealed. This is why we are doing sealings for our ancestors who have died. This is why temple work will continue throughout the millennium. It isn’t going to be an issue about who were members of the church or not.

2. Our ability to remain together as families likely has less to do with ordinances and more to do with faithfulness. Those family members who cannot abide a celestial glory will not be there. It isn’t that God is purposefully separating families as some type of eternal punishment. It is more an example of our agency. Many will choose to be located somewhere other than where their family resides. We will choose our location. Just as some family members become rebellious and separate themselves from their families in this life - it will be a similar scenario play out in the future.

Having said this, it is a source of comfort and joy to know that we can be united for eternity. I don’t know what that means but I do know that I love my family and I especially love my wife and it gives me great comfort to know that these relationships will continue - if we are faithful.

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“The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force.” We are supposed to have children. This process of having children is the means why which God’s children receive a body.

Unfortunately, marriage and birth rates in this country and around the world are falling drastically. The rates among members of the church are better but still falling at alarming rates. Understanding the plan of salvation gives us insight into the importance of having children.

Marriage and birth rates will continue to decline. It is important that faithful members of the church don’t follow the world.

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“We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife. We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan.” Sex is becoming more and more common. We hear how our youth are bombarded with temptation. We live in a small town that has a small high school. We hear from our young friends how many children are having sex - that it is common.

This is unfortunate. It would be better if young people would wait until marriage. Consider the heartache and life-changing consequences that could be avoided if people would only follow this principle! Imagine how abstinence would affect the transmission of STD’s! Consider the unplanned pregnancies that would be avoided. How many lives have been drastically altered or ruined through casual sex? How many single mothers exist because of premarital sex? A lot.

The language here is oddly specific for 1995. This proclamation is clear that the “sacred powers of procreation” should happen between a “man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.” There can be no confusion about what God’s prophet was saying here. Marriage should be between a man and a woman and sex should only happen in this case.

Again, the ability to create life is sacred. This mortal stage of the plan of salvation is critically important for our eternal progression. We need to experience this. We learn things in this mortal life that are very hard to learn in any other way. We should respect this life and appreciate what it does for us. It’s important and lives should not be created willy nilly.

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“Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. ‘Children are an heritage of the Lord’ (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live.” I like that the first line speaks about caring for “each other” and then the children. Caring for your spouse is the primary person we should be caring for.

I think parents often forget this. I’ve personally witnessed spouses being ruder to each other than they are with any other human. I personally thing that familiarity breeds disrespect. This is why spouses are often kinder to a stranger than their eternal companion. We should be on our best behavior with the person who will be with us into eternity. Why aren’t we? Again, it is likely familiarity and a belief that we can mistreat this person and they are tied to us so we can get away with it. It’s not good. In my marriage with Marci, unlike my previous marriage, I can say that I am kinder to Marci than any other human - as it should be.

We should also be kinder and more respectful to our children than we are to anyone else’s children. Yet, I definitely think that parents are often less kind and respectful to their own children. Again, I think that the familiarity affects our behavior. We have to not let that happen and reset a goal each day to treat them more special than the rest of the world.

This paragraph lists some responsibilities. Parents are to:

1. Rear their children in love and righteousness. Our rearing of children should be defined by love and righteousness. Love and righteousness should permeate our homes and be the foundation for our home life.

2. Provide for their physical and spiritual needs. As always, it’s easier to provide for physical needs. Not many parents will let their children starve or be naked or live outdoors during the winter. However, it is relatively easy to ignore spiritual needs. As parents, we should be providing for their spiritual needs. As I look back to when I was raising my children, I can say unequivocally that I was good at providing for their physical needs but lousy at providing for their spiritual needs. If I could go back and change that, I would.

3. Teach them to:

• Love and serve one another.

• Observe the commandments of God.

• Be law-abiding citizens wherever they live.

There should be a lot of teaching in our homes. Much of this teaching can be through our example. I’m grateful that my children are able to witness Marci and I together. We try to love and serve each other every day. Certainly, they are seeing us be obedient to the commandments of God. Obviously, we follow the law.

Because we teach the youth in our calling, we are on the lookout for teaching opportunities. When we are with friends, we sometimes take advantage of opportunities to teach a life lesson. They seem to receive it well. Sadly, we may have have an advantage with others’ children because our “familiarity” is less. It could be that the children won’t be so open to life lessons from their parents. That doesn’t mean that parent’s shouldn’t try.

“Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.” This part is challenging for me as I feel a lot of guilt and regret for how I taught my children the gospel. I wasn’t home a lot. When I was home, it seems like I was recuperating. I definitely didn’t make our home a house of learning. I will be held accountable. How I performed as a father when my children were young makes me sad.

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“The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.” Marriage is NOT a right granted by the government that any two people in love are entitled to. Marriage is NOT a social construct invented by humans. Marriage is NOT a cultural phenomenon brought about by the traditions of society. Marriage is an essential part of God’s plan for us.

Marriage, in ways we know and ways we don’t, is essential for our eternal development. We cannot progress fully unless we are married. It makes sense to anyone to truly thinks about it.

Certainly, in our mortal lives, having a mother and a father gives the children the best chance of success in mortality. Children are entitled to this. There aren’t a lot of things that I say, unequivocally, that we humans are entitled to. In fact, I think that phrase is overused. We aren’t “entitled” to much in mortality. But, children are ENTITLED to be born in a home with a mother and father. Those who aren’t are too often a result of selfish desires of those who preceded them.

I was taking family picture and I had a group come in that didn’t match this eternal picture. It was a group of three men and they had three children with them. The children all seemed about the same age - around four years old. I’ve taken pictures of thousands of families over my career and am pretty good at discerning normal or abnormal dynamics or behaviors. With the three men who were obviously in a relationship, there was one who was remotely invested in the children’s behavior. The other two men appeared disinterested. The children were not well behaved. They didn’t seem to have any boundaries. They were loud, disrespectful, hyperactive, and uncontrolled. It was a challenging situation and I couldn’t help but think that the lack of a mother in the household. These children were entitled to be in a home with a father and a mother. What these men had put together was not according to God’s plan.

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“Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.” This is true! There are a lot of bad things that can happen to all of us in our families. There are health and financial struggles that are out of people’s control. So much drama and suffering is created by violating the teachings of Christ.

We all want to be happy. We all want successful marriages and families. Not a single person marries someone to be unhappy. No parent wants to have an unhappy family. With each of the principles listed in this sentence, I could write a lesson about how each one benefits a family - each in a myriad of ways. Consider how “faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities” could positively impact your family life! I encourage each of us go through each one and think of as many ways that each one could make a huge difference in our homes.

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“By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.” Men and women are different. Men are generally good at providing and protecting. Women are generally good at nurturing. We’re just built that way. Anyone who is honest about the differences between men and women can accept this.

Recently, the Elder’s quorum president and I were going to move a young man down to Lehi. He was going to be leaving for two weeks. The young man was autistic and needed help packing. The bishop’s wife offered to help. I eagerly accepted her help. I knew that her direction would be essential to the success of this. I knew that the EQ president and I would not be very good at knowing what to pack and taking the time to be sure that he had everything that he would need. We needed a woman to ensure that he didn’t arrive to the destination without something he needed. It’s not that we men were incompetent, it’s just that we aren’t that detailed oriented or something. As predicted, she did take control and we felt very confident that he had all that he needed.

This is a very small example of how women and men are built different. Obviously, there is the full spectrum of abilities that both men and women share. But, in general, it is women who are better at caring for those in need - whether that is children or aging parents. Marci’s parents are getting old and it is just understood that, as the only daughter, it will be her that is ensuring that her parents are taken care of. Again, if anyone is truly honest, we will all admit that his is so.

Men have qualities that make them very good at providing and protecting. Consider who investigates sounds in the middle of the night. Men have a mentality that makes them better at protecting. We are capable of violence that women generally aren’t. We are filled with testosterone which makes us more competitive and aggressive generally. We, naturally, are less agreeable which makes us better at doing the unpopular things that will move a business enterprise forward. Our natures make us generally more ambitious in worldly things. Our weaknesses become strengths in the earning a living. Our pride, ego, vain ambition, aggressiveness, yearning for power, lack of empathy do not make us more Christlike but are excellent for someone tasked with providing.

I’m sure some of this is not politically correct to say but I think it’s true.

I am interested in why this says that men are meant to preside. I have a marriage where I wouldn’t say that I preside. We are equal partners but I’d say that I defer to Marci a lot in big decisions. She has a proven track record of making good decisions. I guess I would say that she takes the lead in many areas and I take the lead in others. I can say that we “help one another as equal partners.” Her strengths make up for my weaknesses!

The reason why men are generally meant to preside in the home is mostly unknown to me. I do believe that someone should ultimately have the final say in a group of people. There should generally be one leader in any organization. Co-presidents or co-CEO’s rarely work. There must be someone who ultimately takes responsibility for the group. For whatever reason, it is God’s doctrine that men should preside in the home. Perhaps it will be different in the eternities. Who knows. For this fallen world where we are all “strangers here,” fathers preside over families.

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“We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.” The opportunity to fail miserably and have that failure lead to unknowable bad consequences is great when you decide to start a family. If you blow it with infidelity, abuse or abandonment, the consequences of those bad actions will last for generations.

The disintegration of families will lead to biblical “calamities.” Another word for calamity is disaster. The disintegration of families will lead to human and societal disaster. When civilizations were “ripe for destruction,” it is certain that the families of that civilization had disintegrated. There weren’t strong mothers and fathers and strong family units. Children were not being raised in righteousness. Parents weren’t faithful.

We are obviously witnessing the disintegration of families right before our eyes. As a result, calamities will continue and accelerate in their number. We will continue to see strife, crime, conflict, discontent, violence, shootings, etc. These will all increase as the world moves away from the family unit. It will happen.

“We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.” It is not someone else’s problem. It is ours. It is not up to organizations or the government to “promote measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family.” It is our responsibility as citizens. We should all do what we can - beginning with ensuring that our houses are in order.

I am one of those divorced people. My children can say that they have a “broken home.” I carry the burden of regret for the many mistakes and bad decisions that I have made. All I can do is make sure that I am being a good father and husband today. I can’t allow my past regrets to overwhelm me and make me think that my current efforts are meaningless. They aren’t. Anyone reading this who may be paralyzed with guilt over past mistakes should think more about the atonement and how this life is mean to try us and prove us. We had to be acquainted with sin and making bad choices to help us strengthen and empathize with our future children that will extend into eternity. If you are currently struggling with your role as a spouse or parent, today is the day to change course and repent and rely on Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost to strengthen you and help you become the son or daughter that has the power to become a Heavenly Father or Mother.